week by week catch up

Today I am 10 weeks, 5 days pregnant. It freaks me out how much longer I have to go, but that's part of God's plan for growing babies so I'll take it! I guess I haven't really said this on here, but baby is due on Valentine's Day 2012. I hope the kid isn't born on Valentine's Day, but it is nice to have an easy date to remember (February 14, in case you didn't know). As soon as we found out there was a baby on the way, I starting writing typing everything down. I want to remember all of this journey, so my blog is likely going to be my outlet for most of that. Read or don't, it won't hurt my feelings.

*This is long. I mean, 6 weeks long. Don't bother reading if you don't want to, but this is here for my future recollection. I guess that applies to everything on my blog :)
**Oh, and counting by weeks is confusing... When you are "5 weeks" that means you have completed 5 weeks, but that also means you're entering into the 6th week... make sense? It took me a while to figure out which week I should be celebrating (hence the pointing to the wrong number sometimes...).

Week 5

Whoa. I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I feel like it's not really true because I don't feel pregnant at all. I'm sure I will with time, but the days are dragging on! I'm not going to lie, I've had a hard time staying focused this week. I've subscribed to about a thousand pregnancy-by-week emails and read about everything there is to read about growing a baby.

I'm so anxious to start telling people! It's so hard to keep it a secret, but it's also really fun to share just with David. Granted, I'm sure he's overwhelmed with my every thought/emotion/concern that I tell him...

It was crazy to be at the soccer game yesterday with Wendi (Ellie), Jodi (Ella), Leigh (Max) and Saskia (baby girl on the way) and to also secretly be pregnant! From there, we went to the Rochas (Kate & KJ) with the Linhosses (Max again) and Sarah (baby Lawhorn on the way). I've been so looking forward to one day fitting in with the mommy crowd (which is all of my friends), and it's weird to finally be pregnant and still be waiting.

Week 6
I'm so glad Beth is pregnant right now! I am very easily disguising all of my questions and google searches as "involved aunt" research :). Of course, I'm SOO excited that our babies will be 4-5 months apart too!! God's timing is so perfect. I used to be sad watching my other friends be pregnant together (Sarah, Jodi, Blair, etc.), but what a better gift than to do this with my sister in law? Granted, she's having twins and she'll be finished with I'm half-way through, but it's still going to be awesome. As soon as we can talk about it :).

I still don't feel pregnant, but it's weird to wake up in the morning and see some of the things I'm reading about happen to my body (boobs!).  I also cannot sleep at all. No idea why, but I have the hardest time getting comfortable enough to fall asleep... last night I slept on the couch. I think it's the dog.

We have all kinds of Bourke family drama going on right now, and I feel a bit selfish trying to stay out of it. I want to protect our little bubble of joy and keep out any unnecessary negativity.

First "craving" (though, David asked if it was a pregnancy craving or just an Emily craving, and I honestly don't know the difference): at 10pm I had a craving for a Little Debbie snack cake (tulips now!). My dear husband got some at BiLo. Granted, he was returning a redbox so it wasn't a special trip or anything, but it was a little out of the ordinary to sit in bed at 10:30pm eating junk food!

Week 7

6/20- Today is the first day of my 7th week, and it started out a little scary. Yesterday I felt some really weird pain in my stomach while I was walking around (at the Just Between Friends sale w/ Jodi & Anna... yeah, it was hard to keep it in that I'm pregnant!), and it got worse and worse. Of course, David and I were googling like crazy (bad idea), and I was nervous... It eventually tapered off and I slept like a rock (I can do some serious sleeping... and, I've started taking a nap when I get home from work! ha!). I'm kind of a hypochondriac anyway, but I wanted to call the doctor just in case. He is out of town this week (figures), but his nurse wanted me to come in so the PA could check things out. They did an ultrasound and everything is perfect! Praise the Lord! I even got to see our little bean's heartbeat fluttering on the screen. Wow. I cried (of course). We go see Dr. Brody next Monday, and I'm even more excited now!! I can't wait for David to be there with me.

I just had a revelation. A scary one. Once the 12 week mark passes your likelihood of a miscarriage goes down drastically, but you're not out of the clear until that baby is breathing oxygen. BUT THEN, you have a CHILD to care for! You're NEVER out of the clear.

This week has been wonderful and horrible. My nausea has been awful, but our office is being renovated and I've been able to sleep in every day. It has been a HUGE blessing from the Lord. A few pregnancy firsts happened this week. 1) Emotions. I sobbed like a baby during this performance on America's Got Talent (I LOVE her!), and then during the 19 Kids and Counting special about Anna having her baby. Like, ugly crying. 2) After being nauseous all week, I threw up for the first time. Apples unfortunately were the culprit.

Week 8
We got to see you today! Dr. Brody was crazy busy, and I ended up being his last patient of the day- #47! Plus, he did 2 surgeries and delivered 5 babies! Nuts. Everything looks perfect, and hearing your heartbeat was amazing. I got all my questions answered, and it looks like I'll get to go to the doctor every 2 or so weeks just to watch things move along!!

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling pudgy. I am not showing at all yet, but I just feel fluffier than usual. I'm not used to this and I'm not sure I like it right now. I bought a tankini to wear at the beach this weekend because I'm not comfortable with my body right now. David says I don't look any different (other than my "huge boobs"). I keep weighing myself expecting to see a change, but shockingly there hasn't been one yet. In fact, my weight generally fluctuates a whole lot day to day, and now it has been insanely consistent (122.4-8 every day).

I heard these lyrics today ("Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real), and it totally describes what I'm feeling (though it's not about being pregnant at all):


Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Unfortunately, the nausea has reached (what I hope is) a peak. I've gone from mostly feeling fine with a few bouts of "ew I feel like I could throw up" to feeling mostly like I need to hang out by the toilet with random spurts of "ahh... so this is what it feels like to be normal". I've been throwing up every day, plus lots of dry-heaving sessions (sorry if it's TMI...) intermittently throughout the day (which might as well count as throwing up). We were in Sanibel for the weekend, so I found myself heaving on the side of the road, in the bathroom on a cruise boat, in several restaurant bathrooms, etc. Not. fun.

My mom decided she wants to be called "GranMolls". Love it!

Can you tell I feel like crap?!

Week 9

I've been away from work intermittenly for a few weeks, and now I'm back in action. I've been really really anxious about how to handle my nausea and exhaustion at the office since no one knows yet. If things get bad, I'll definitely tell my boss.

I'm starting to freak out about how long this process takes. I think it's just being sick that makes me super nervous to think of how far away February is. I know the second trimester tends to lessen these symptoms, but my MIL threw up (everything, every day) for 4.5 months. It's all worth it for this baby. No doubt in my mind. I read this today in one of my weekly emails, and it hit the nail on the head for how I'm feeling:

As pregnancy has blossomed in the public eye, so have our expectations: work performance must not drop, weight gain must be kept to a minimum, we must strive for healthy, active, happy, glowing, gorgeous, perfect pregnancies.



Problem is, the reality of pregnancy does not always work so well with these ambitious intentions. The first trimester can be particularly brutal. Nausea is hardly inspiring. And with the body on overdrive, building up blood supply and the placenta, your energy level can plummet to previously unimaginable depths. Exhaustion can be intense. Full-afternoon naps are not uncommon for those who can manage them. The rest of us just pass the early months of pregnancy in a haze of semi-consciousness, longing only for the couch.


Some suggest powering through, but that can be tough. We think there's something to be said for heeding the body's call to rest. And there's definitely something to be said for cutting yourself a break. For the vast majority of women, the cloud of bone-tiredness lifts, at least slightly, after the first trimester. So, yeah, you've always imagined yourself being perky while pregnant, but pregnancy is long. There's plenty of time for perkiness; this may be more of a time to be prone. (You'll be missing that position soon enough, anyhow!)

7/7/11- I told my boss. After spending the morning yesterday over the bathroom sink and finally calling it a day after lunch, I figured it was only right that I fess up. (Oh, and she was awesome. She always is.) After all, I might have lots more days like that in the near future and she needs to know what's up. It doesn't help that our office is being painted right now. It's sort of a cruel irony that the time when my senses are heightened, the smells I can now pick up make me nauseous.

Week 10

I love getting to go to the doctor every 2 weeks- and on Mondays! Seeing our little peanut again was so cool because it actually looked like a baby. The picture isn't very good, but I could see both arms and legs wiggling around so clearly. It was amazing. Because I'm going to the doctor so often, David is only able to come every other time. I hate him missing out of any of this, but duty calls at work. Fortunately, since we get an ultrasound at EVERY appointment he'll be able to see a whole lot through the process!

I have been so, so sick. I finally got a prescription for Zofran today, and I am so glad I did. I also experienced a new symptom that was pretty unexpected: tail bone pain. What?! I was in tears last night (7/12) because it hurt soo bad.

The Zofran doesn't seem to help much, but the nausea and vomiting is becoming intermittent (instead of constant). It's still pretty regular, and nothing I do seems to help. EVERYone who has ever been pregnant or known a pregnant person tells me what helped them, and I know they are all trying to be helpful but it's a bit annoying (I think I need to get used to this... ugh.) (close friends- tell away! It's the strangers slash random people who's advice doesn't matter much to me...).

I feel like I've grown! I still haven't gained any weight, and I guess that makes sense with all the stuff that isn't staying down. All my clothes still fit just fine, so it's probably in my head. Oh well.

We've been spreading the news, and it is SO fun to see people's reactions. I love the feeling I get when someone is genuinely excited for us. We are so loved!

tiny little bump? maybe?