What is wrong with me? I keep calling David in tears because I'm having a bad day... but, poor guy, I can't for the life of me explain why or what's wrong.
I've had to turn two pool play dates down today. That doesn't sound like much of a problem, right? I really have too many opportunities of stuff to do, and I have SUCH a guilt complex over turning anyone or anything down. But, now I have a kid and I'm trying to balance doing what's best for him and keeping my sanity. Also, I don't want to be one of those parents who schedules their life around their child's every breath, but I also want to make sure I'm taking the best care of Crawford that I possibly can. That's my JOB.
Speaking of my job... I'm responsible for feeding this little boy. Just me. And, he's too small. 10th percentile for weight. I'm afraid my milk supply is decreasing, but I'm not sure how to know that for sure. He's been crying a lot during nursing, and sometimes I feel like it's because there's just not enough coming out. But then he sleeps 8-10 hours at night. Hungry kids don't do that!
I met some friends at the park, only to leave 20 minutes later. I get frustrated with myself because I want to hang out with my friends and their kids, but I over-estimate Crawford's ability to "play". He's FOUR months old, self! For example: playing in the fountains at Coolidge = so fun! Unless you are four months old and can't even sit up by yourself. My sweet child is so go-with-the-flow, but I feel like I take advantage of him/that and do whatever I want to do.
Oh, and can someone please make a day-long schedule of what I should be doing with my child when? I'd follow it, promise. I am just overwhelmed with not knowing when he should take a nap, etc.. Seriously. How do I establish a morning wake time? What should his bed time be? I would go to the pediatrician once a week just to talk through parenting stuff and get her expert opinion. Just now (after trying to get him to go down for a nap for a loooong time), I finally just let him fall asleep in my arms,
and I love it.
I love him so much, I don't want to let him out of my sight ever (cue video monitor). Especially today I'm particularly clingy... pms, maybe??
We moved Crawford to his crib in his room for bed time on Monday night. It was brutal (for me). It actually was pretty brutal for David too because we slept in the guest room and that bed is way small for two people (sorry to all of our guests!).
Crawford LOVES his paci. Sometimes during the night he stirs, and I usually just pop the pacifier back in and he goes right back to sleep. Well, that was easy when he slept right next to our bed. Now that he's UPSTAIRS, do I go up there and give it to him because I know it will put him back to sleep? Or, do I wait it out? Let him cry it out? Why do that when I know the paci would solve the problem??
And, my dog keeps crapping in the house. I could kill him. David walks him in the morning. I take him outside. He poops in the house. Anxiety, maybe??
I just looked at the calendar and it looks like we have only THREE weekends between now and the middle of October (the 20th) that are completely free. What?! It's JUNE.
Oh, and all I want to do is eat junk food. I've been trying to be better about my eating habits, and I've been doing really well lately (I made and ate squash with dinner on Monday!), but it's taking every ounce of my will power to not go make some funfetti cookies ("for small group") and eat about half of them
So, I'm feeling frazzled. Which, I know... doesn't help my milk supply.